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I have fallen to the trap again

Trap meaning the place where you find yourself after trying too hard to find yourself.

By exploding with new ideas and understandings of myself I have yet again let myself down by losing myself in this process. This often happens to me, I have noticed.

These are the phases.

First, I feel anxious about something and I want to fix it. Then, I indulge myself with new knowledge and analyze myself out of the anxiety. Then, I become anxious again because I have all the knowledge I should be healing my anxiety with but somehow I am even more anxious than I was when I began finding the solutions for it.

It is as draining as that sentence.

And still I am finding myself in these phases quite often.

It is so difficult for me to recognize when to just let go and when to dive in to find new ways of healing myself.

Aah.

I love healing myself, reflecting about emotions and thoughts and finding new approaches towards wellbeing. But there is a limit in that, too. I need to give space for the new approaches to spark in me.

The overwhelming state of being when I am stuffing myself with another self-help video or workshop is not very optimal for health no matter how much healing or inner work I am doing.

Balance balance balance.

So I guess what I can learn from this once again is that as great as learning new habits and routines can be, the real greatness still lies inside.

It is nowhere else than inside.

And the way towards the lost alignment is not even that complicated. It is right there.

When I have trust and stop pushing too hard, I will find back again.

And maybe then will I even integrate some of the new things I have learned into my life.

But this time it is not done with agony, it is done with trust.

xx

Maija

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